A Lifetime Secret In A Dark Alley
by PlayfulFeathers3
Summary: Rotting in my coffin, I ponder that life I used to have...would you care to join me in this journey? Forgive me...did I not introduce myself?...Then let me do so now...I am no other then the man that swung from the gallows only moments ago...I am FAGIN.
1. TRAILER

_**A Lifetime Secret In A Dark Alley**_

TRAILER 

Gloomy London, a prison, a dark figure swinging from a noose, his coat gently blows with the chilling wind...the figure melts away to reveal a boy no bigger then an eight year old in an old village. A woman, a motherly form, fair skin, blue eyes bright red curling hair around her face...thining with age and lack of food. She runs to embrace her son...her hair mixes with his...equally red and curly...her kiss is soft and sweet against his cheek...

Her voice... "Stay here and mind the house, dear, I'll be back in no time."

Blood curtling screams erupt, the young boy cowers into the kitchen pantry.

Older boy, " Go home to your family little rat."

Sniffling "Don't got none."

"Then stop ya cryin' and grow up or ya gonna end up dead in a gutta without a cent in ya pocket."

"What ya mean?"

"Damn kid use ya head and make a livin'"

"Could ya teach me?"

Young boy walking easily through big crowds...sneaking bread in his long coat...and the other inside a gentleman's pocket... Young girl scrabbling on the ground after him, "Where you livin'? STOP! Let me go with you huh? Please, please listen to me! I will cook and clean for you! PLEASE TAKE ME! I need protection that's all sir," Teen boy slams door in her face... muttering "Bloody hell grow up."

Catchy music...gin and spirits...cigar smoke...giggling girls...foggy night air...15 year old boy sitting with a middle age man... " You need someone to teach ya boy?"

"Hell with teaching I's got's it all. I just need someone to sell to. You in?"

Money handing over and a firm hand shake...the young teen looks over to catch the girl winking her large brown eyes at him. "No what I'm up to tonight" he chuckles.

Screams...gunblasts...house going up in flames...Older teen now running from the place a sack over his shoulder. Police running in all directions...CRASH...blood...prison...every thief must serve his time sometime or another. Bangs head back against his cell wall, his arm is limp beside him. Magistrate, "Warning you...if we catch you again...its the gallows boy, remember that and you better make it right."

Young man grabs his hat and shrugs his shoulders.

She came out of nowhere her dress was white her hair was black as a ravin's... "Have I fallen into your net?"

Beautiful girl, "I believe so my dearest...or else how could one have deminstrated such love to me the way you have done and are doing..."

Middle age man stoops down to a young boy, " Hey get up and stop feelin' sorry for yaself. I got a job for you that'll change your whole life." The game begins...more small children appear...

"Hey, old man...wake up...got a job to go on...give me the tools"

Smacks the man in the face...the "old man" jumps out of bed grabbing the young teen boy around his neck... "Ya stupid brat...remember who it was that taught you everything and pulled you off the streets and brought you back to the living. GET OUT OF MY SIGHT DAMN KID!"

Man getting older and older "Look who I brought ain't you ever seen anything prettier?" Young girl blushing on the young man's arm.

Old man thinking... "I've seen the face of an angle."

"Hey look who I brought home for you!" A young skinny blond boy shyly smiles up at the old withering man.

"He's gone and so is she. We are all in panic. Help us! SHE'S DEAD SHE'S DEAD!" Young boys with tears in their eyes... "Don't leave us in the dark!"

Policemen invading the old apartments "We got him! We got the old man!"

Magistrate, "You were warned once before..." BANG BANG BANG...bars no way out stuck stuck... "let me die before the gallows."

"You are to be hung by the neck until dead...dead...dead...dead..."

Should he fear it?

Was his life worth it?

Pondering...Pondering...Pondering...


	2. When I Was Small

_**When I Was Young**_

CHAPTER 1 

No father just mother. No one else. Just us. Mother and son. Forever. No one could break the bond of complete love, trust, and commitment between us.

She was a Jew. We were Jews...I knew that. We were persecuted for it. Completely pushed away from the small town that was settled just a few miles from our quiet cottage on a small hill. If you stood at the top of the hill you could see the smoke rising from the chimneys of the cozy little houses and shops that lined the cobbled streets.

We had but one friend that lived among them. His name was Clayton. He might have had a surname...but I never heard of it or cared. Me and my mother always called him by Clayton. I liked him well...he was kind...he taught me how to be a better protector and provider for my mother. He said it was for my benefit...but I always thought he taught me mostly for my mothers safety. He always seemed very attentive to her. I quite often found him gazing at her tall, slender figure...her long, curling, red, golden hair...her pale face and soft features. When she talked with him her words were gentle. Not that she did not already speak gently, but with Clayton...it a different kind of gentle that I had yet to figure out. He in return was the same...I still remember how soft the words fell out of his mouth when he called her name "Adina". Her name Adina fit her well for it meant _gentle_. If you tried you couldn't find another women more submissive, non selfish, or so gentle as my mother. You couldn't find one evil bone in her body. Why she got herself hooked with the bastard of a man like my deceased father I have no clue.

My father, Shiloh, deserved nothing of her...I knew little about him save for he was a Jew and a criminal. He used my mother as his cover till the day he died. He whored around with any other woman that caught his attention...leaving my mother shamed and unwanted. He was finally caught and hung when I was only three years old. But memories of him were very soon forgotten. Clayton took over as the man of the house. He provided us household things we needed from his shop. We were very thankful for him. Especially my mother...and tried to repay him in every way she could. The way Clayton helped us was a secrete from the rest of the town. No one liked us and I was forbidden to go to school or take part in the church. We had our own worship times and mother taught me as much as she could to give me an education. I knew how to read and write very well as well as my math which I very much enjoyed. She taught me the globe and the cultures. And even though I had never set a foot outside Scotland I felt as if I had traveled the world. I was happy with my life. My mother reminded me always to look for the good in others. To never hate a person and to serve the one who created me. I strove to please her in my actions. I loved her with everything.

Her famous saying that she repeated to me often was of this...and I can still hear her peaceful words, "_Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood_." Those words have stuck with me always. And have helped me to the day I was swung threw the air in front of a screaming crowd.


	3. Nothings Ever The Same

_** Nothings Ever The Same**_

CHAPTER 2

I was but 12 years of age when things began to change from there usual pace of life between my mother and I.

I had taken my fishing rod down to the pond in the usual way that sunny afternoon...just to see if I might be lucky enough to catch a bite...no luck seeing as how right when I got settled I clouded over and rain began to fall in large droplets. I quickly packed up and headed back to the cottage...not in the mood to get wet.

As soon as I entered the yard I knew something was wrong...Clayton's wagon was there. At this time of the day he should be running his shop...unless something had gone wrong with my mother. I began to run to the house...praying nothing was to upsetting or painful. As I slowed to a walk as I got to the door, I prepared myself for anything...well almost anything...I had not prepared myself for what caught my eye through the window.

There was my mother her long hair let down and in nothing but her petticoats, and to make the picture even more shocking for me, she was perched on Clayton's lap...her knees on either side of him. Getting a closer look, I caught sight of Clayton's hands rubbing underneath her skirts.

I could feel the cold sweat standing out on my face. And a sudden revenge filled my heart for Clayton. No matter what he had done for us or would do for us...we might owe him a big thanks, but not to this extreme. Was my mother out of her bleeding mind? I cringed as I watched her turn his head in just a way that their lips met, and his closed around hers.

I ran from the house...not wanting to see another second of it. It was me and my mother...we were the last of my family, everyone had disowned us...why should she now except anyone back? Why wasn't she fighting him? Why was she letting him hold her. He had nothing! I ran till my sides were about to fall out of me. I fell to the ground covered in mud. This was not acceptable. Clayton must keep away from now on. I was the man of the house, and my mother's protector. I was taking the part my father had failed to play.

I lay there for a little while then picked myself up and slowly started for the cottage again. I had my mind made up. I would walk straight into the door, catch them in the act, then get angry in a way that would be completely understandable, and throw Clayton out. I was quite disappointed though to find that immidantly as I flung the door open I was the one who looked ridiculous. Fury in my eyes, hands clenched, and covered head to toe with mud. And there stood my mother next to the stove cheeks glowing and completely dressed including her hair piled up neatly on her head like normal. Clayton looked up from stroking the fire. Suddenly he began to laugh, and my mother, very soon joined in. I wanted to smash his head right then and there. But my mother quickly came and swept me off to the wash room.

Clayton soon left, and all the better for I was loosing it fast. Although I did not do quite such a good job at covering up my feelings...for my mother knew I must have seen something of the matter. I could read it in her eyes. But she brushed the feeling aside and nothing more was said about it.

Several days went by with no sign of Clayton. Although I noticed how often my mother looked out the front window, as if Clayton should all the sudden pull up in his wagon. What she saw romantically in him I had no idea. He was nothing much just another blue eyed brown haired average man you normally would see. But I was too young to have much of the idea of true feelings. The only feeling I compared it too was mine. Which was the "romance" (if you could call it that) I had when I looked at the dairy girl on her way to town every week. I would gaze absent mindlessly at her, wondering what other goodies her sweet and plump body might have hidden underneath those folds of skirts and material, besides the usual milk, eggs and cheese she had in her basket.

On day he did come. A week later then the last time I saw him. I was not happy. As soon as he walked in the door. I caught a sparkle in my mother's eye's and a catchy wink in his. And from behind his back he produced wild flowers, freshly picked, I might add. That did it in. I stood right in front of him, and looked him dead in the eyes.

"What brings you out? We are good in everything we have, and you know as well as I do I can run this place without any help."

Clayton looked surprised for a minute, then he straightened up and his voice became very firm. "I came by on a visit. The last time I came by Adina wasn't feeling the strongly. I am here to give her my best wishes that she is feeling better."

"She's fine." I answered as coldly as I could muster. "Anything else?"

"David!" I heard my mother's sharp voice. Something, I might add again, she rarely ever used. "What's gotten into you? Good lord, don't you think we might accept Clayton anytime he calls? Seeing as how many good things he's done for us? Apologies imideantly."

Apologies? Who was he to earn an apology from me? I glared into his eyes once more, brushed passed him and out into the yard. I quickened my pace and soon found myself at the muddy pond...the rain once more falling around me.


	4. Turned For Good

_** Turned For Good**_

CHAPTER 3

Months passed. My mother frequently took walks and was gone for hours. Needless to say what she was up to seeing as how Clayton accompanied her home half the time. I left the cottage most of the time, and if I was there I was up in my room. Mother wasn't the same anymore...I missed her...most terribly.

It wasn't long after these few months when my life took the biggest turn. My mother was in a blushing mood...well more than usual. I had been eating breakfast...she was rushing around cleaning up. Her cheeks were very pink and I noticed a red tint to her full lips. I shook the picture away and continued eating. I looked over again and saw her putting her shawl and bonnet on. "Stay here and mind the house, dear. I'll be back in no time!" Her soft voice was in my ear and her curls tickled my neck. I simply nodded. I knew my reaction surprised her for the only place she ever went was to the garden or on a walk. But we both knew she wasn't dressed for either. But I had already guessed where she was going. _My mother is a fool...walking right into town where we were forbidden...and the only reason was so she could see her lover...I cringe at the thought..._ I sat at the table, elbows resting on my knees and my head in my hands, silently thinking things, _When a man has a wife...and she goes astray he is there to go after her and put her back into line. But I am not that to my mother...I am smaller. But yet it is my duty. What is wrong here. If its this bad to keep a woman straight I shall never marry. _

Knowing what I must do I rose from the table, put on my coat and headed out silently shutting the door behind me. I saw my mothers figure very small all the way down the dirt lane. I headed into the woods and onto the path I had beat down...quit some time ago. The secret is is that I, behind my mothers back, had taken a walk down to the outskirts of town. Up on the rocky hills I had watched the people there. I sat for hours watching until I knew for sure my mother would be frightened to death about where I was.

As soon as I emerged, I stood right on the edge of the woods and crouched. I soon spotted my mother. She was hurriedly walking behind the buildings till she came to Clayton's. I sighed as I watched her enter the back door. _Did either of them care what could happen to us, if she was caught, not to mention with Clayton?_

I walked back into the darkness of the woods feeling more like home in there then out of it. I circled around coming out behind the shops making very certain no one was about to walk out there. I dashed to his back door. gently opening it, I looked in to find a store room...shelf lined with things to be brought out into the shop. I walked silently in...and behind a near by curtain. Soon I noticed, as my eyes were adjusted to the darkness once more, it was a kitchen pantry, well you might call it that. I pulled back the other end I looked out just a little. I saw that Clayton hadn't opened up yet seeing as how the curtains were still drawn. I looked over to the edge...there she was...sitting on the edge of the counter. Clayton, hands round her thin waist was talking very gently and synthetically. I couldn't quite make out what he was saying but I guessed he was reminding her it wasn't safe. She didn't seem to mind at all. She giggled and wrapped her arms round him, drawing his head to her breasts. He softly began to cover her with kisses.

_This is where you messed up..._I caught a glimpse of a figure looking threw the curtained windows...there must have been a naked space in the window. But I wasn't going to stop them now. They had asked for it and they were getting everything the consequences decided to give them.

A few minutes later I heard the door being smashed to a million splinters. I cowered into the back of the kitchen pantry, right behind the sacks of potatoes. I heard blood curtling screams of my mother...and Clayton's voice was covered by the curses of the Jew haters. Then there was a light and shatters of glass flew everywhere as they destroyed everything they could get there hands on. Soon the light began to fade and blackness covered me. I was out like a candle.


	5. The Darkness Of Being Alone

_**The Darkness Of Alone**_

CHAPTER 4

I slowly woke to the blackness of night. I knew but two things. Both Clayton and my mother were dead. And I must find my way back without being spotted. But first I must...how could I?...I could have stopped it...I could have tried at least tried to save her...even if all was in vain I could have tried...tip toe...tip toe...stepping...stepping...stepping...bolder...bolder...wood floor...brown floor...mauve floor...red floor...liquid floor...BLOODY HELLL...her hair those red locks strewn as if spilled silk...her face distorted you couldn't tell her eyes from her mouth that used to be so delicate to the touch were nothing but bloody pieces of flesh sickening to the touch...I wrenched fell to the floor blood covered my hands. Again a spewed out my stomachs contents. My eyes were so full of tears I couldn't see...my lips felt purple...I shook uncontrollably...the room swayed...how long a lay there I do not know. It was still dark when I finally came to myself. I got to my knees and half drug myself over the counter and opened the top drawer. Finding the shears I staggered back to my mother. It was dull and took three thick snips to cut off a long ringlet of her hair. Floundering through the blood I got to the bottom of her dress and lifted it...finding her petticoats I reached up to find a clean and unmessied spot I too the shears again. Snipping and ripping I finally got a good size piece off and kissed it shuttering at the sight of blood from my mouth staining it...I gently placed the lock inside and pocketed it. I made my way to the back door. Taking my hat off the floor I put it on tipped it to my mother's body and slowly closed the door till it locked behind me.

By the time I reached home it must have been an very early o'clock in the morning. It was still pitch black. The house was dark. I staggered inside. I couldn't see a thing but I could feel smashed glass and heard the crunching underneath my feet and knew in a heartbeat they had been here too. I knew nothing had escaped their wrath. I turned and walked out slumbering down on the front steps that led out to the garden. I sat there with my face on my fists looking into something that I didn't understand. Hours went by and the sun gave it's warm glow over this side of the country but for me it just sent chills covering my body I shivered hard for a moment. The sight of our front garden made me sick. It was not home anymore. The ripped up earth was scattered everywhere as if the let there horses rip through with uncaring, wild hoofs. The house was full of broken glass from china dishes and tea sets, smashed tables and chairs, ripped sofas, charcoal from the fireplace...the banister was shattered from the staircase, ripped beds and mirrors over turned this and that. I reached my mother's room I knew where she kept her hidden treasures. Removing the rubble in her closet I pulled back the fake wooden wall and pulled her chest out. Opening it I was shocked to find my late father's jacket and breeches along with a shirt and boots. Must have been what he wore before he was taken off to jail and hung. Deeper were love notes from Clayton no doubt little jewel's and trinkets of his love to her. I quickly pocketed those they would make good money somewhere. Ripping back the casing I pulled out a small satchel pulling it open I found the only money we had...two pounds and a sixpence. I went back to the clothes. My father was a lying, sleezy perfect example of an outlaw. Was that what I had amounted to an outcast turned into an outlaw? I could for the first time actually begin to understand where my father was coming from. I ripped off my soiled, bloody clothes and donned myself in my father's attire. Everything was many sizes to big for me. It didn't matter. I could grow into them and save that much more money on other things I would need and completely throw clothes out the window. I removed everything out of my pockets from my old clothes I wouldn't be using any more put them into my new ones and threw all the bloody cloth into the chest along with Clayton's love written to my mother and closed the lid pushed it back into the wall and closed the wooden door. I walked out of the closet a new and different looking person then before. A little more experienced a little richer and a little bigger in my boots. I tromped down the stairs and grabbed a few hard rolls and a jug of beer from the pantry.

I didn't know what to do or where I was going but I knew I would never be coming back. I turned my face away from our little house. I was an outcast and outlaw and that was fine I would survive. I could learn the way of life where you broke all the rules and escaped the consequences.

I didn't even look back as I made my way into those all too familiar woods. _"Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood." _It rang in my ears always.


	6. Running To Crime

_** Running To Crime**_

CHAPTER 5

My fire was dying when morning broke. There was no hunger. No thirst. Nothing.

I had walked all night. I walked right through the town. Down it's main road. Walked right through and out, continuing on that same road it took me miles into the country and yet it still stretched before me, never ending.

I stood up not even feeling the need to stretch out. I had slept deeply my cheek was crusted with dirt. I gathered myself together and then the road was before me...one foot before the other. Hours passed. The sun set. The moon rose. And then a peace fell over the earth. I breathed the cool air in deeply...then a humming began I looked before I realized it was myself humming a tune...there was a skip in my walk...before too long my voice broke forth in the night...it was mournful letting out my anguish yet rejoicing all the same. It was happy yet sad...making me want something that wasn't there yet I did not know what that something was...so many miles and so many walked it. With what purpose? Where they like me just walking till they found that purpose? I prayed there were more like me. So that I wasn't the only one left behind to catch up.

The pale light of morning was dawning. I caught the sight of a wagon pulling out into the road. I stepped up my pace until I could quite gently jump into the back where I sat watching the wheels eat up the road and spit it out the back. I pulled out my rolls and chewed slowly. I pulled out an onion from a sack and really? Cheese! wonderful I broke off a wedge and it was wonderful taste combined in my mouth. I washed it down with the brewed beer. Before I knew it I was fast asleep in the back of a rattling wagon.

I awoke with sunlight pouring into my face. Noises were everywhere...ringing in my ears. I was unaccustomed to so much. I pocketed some more cheese and onions before jumping out. I couldn't help but to laugh at the driver who had no clue what had gone on! I stumbled into an ally to get my barrings about me.

It was in a town with an ocean! I gazed into the blue water. Never had I seen a sight so wonderful. It sparkled like a billion dew drops...the water was such a deep blue I couldn't look too long into it's depths or I would loose myself forever. I glanced away to the pear...ships were docked...huge ones...they all looked grand indeed, save for one which in particularly caught my attention. It's sails were visibly torn and ripped...the wood was old and dark looking and there was no flag flying like all the others. I approached the pear and leaned on the railing hanging my head over and gazing into the water I let the wind play with my mussed up hair. The salty wind teased my nostrils. I wrinkled my nose and squinted into the sun...I felt very much independent...like my own man my own ship and I was the captain. I began to wonder down into the ships...I touched the heavy ropes that held the ships to land...I soon found myself gazing up at the decrepit ship something was on there I wanted to know why it was so different. Curiosity was bad and it was taking me over stealing my ship...I gave in.

Glancing about me I set foot onto the ramps and began to walk up. I stood at the top for a second. The floor broad. Heavy chains and ropes covered the railings and corners...I heard voices behind me and quickly ducked behind several barrels. I saw heavy boots and dirty breeches a deep, bottle, green, knee length coat. The figure was tall...I could see the dirty white cuffs coming out of the coat sleeves and gold rings on the fingers. His face was dark with scars here and there a gold earring, long, black hair...and a feathered hat. I had seen pictures of men like this...they were supposed to be the bad guys. Pirates. _I'm in the right place to becoming an outcast aren't I._ I mumbled to myself...

Best wait here till the take off I will then show myself and they will either take me or kill me either way I didn't mind.

I waited...I heard more and more footsteps then loud voices...the ramp was taken up and and we were out to sea. My heart skipped a beat. I could hear it loud like a drum and I knew I was nervous. _One...two...THREE_ I was on my feet out from the barrels.

Camouflage.

"Let me help you with that sir." I pulled behind a slender figure of a early 20 year old man. The ropes cut through my hands. I yelled out at the pain. The man was beside me and pulled my hands toward him and opened them. He smiled and ripped his shirt hem off and wrapped my hands in them. "What ya want with people like us? We ain't up ter no good. Ya young an' need to make an honest livin'. Don't loose ya innocencee like this boy...it'll just come back and kick yer real hard in the #!*% ya'll hate yerself. Is promis yer that...I do. I was young like you and were doin' the same thing just like yer. Wish I didn't now." His smile was odd. "Yer get yerself in trouble if ya caught around here wivout the Captn' knowin', but I rekon since ya's got's no place to go except in the wata' I can cover for ya till we get to land again then yer's on yer own. Got me now?"

I shook my head, "You talk to me just like you know everything about me." I looked him in the eye. "Well you don't. I'm much more educated about the globe...and I know exactly who you are. Your pirates and...I can read and write which is much more then most of you know I'm sure...besides whether your Captain throws me over is up to him. And if you ask me he more as well out to throw you over cause I at least speak proper and not like I got a mouth full of pebbles." I began to stand up but he grabbed me firmly and took me over into a little shelter.

"Yer' best watch that kin er' mouth it won't get yer far over here if yer wants to survive the Captin' wern't stand fer none of it kid. Best jess lay low and fer a little whiles till I think its okay for yer to surface. Ya understand?"

I hesitated but then he shook me and I nodded and slid back behind the barrels.

He peared in. "Ya wanna be a pirate boy?"

"I want to hurt the people who take it all for granted."

"Ya in the right place boy."


	7. Make Him A Man

_**Make Him A Man**_

CHAPTER 6

Three days I had been in hiding. My legs and back had horrid pains and aches from crouching down in the tight space between the barrels. My stomach was always growling for I had not had a decent meal since I got on this bloody ship.

The sailor who had spotted me out was kind enough to bring what food he could savage and even, I believed, some from his own small rations. He always gave me a cheerful smile although his day was far worse than mine could ever have been. The sailor would come to me at odd hours of the night to let me know when the coast was clear for me to stretch my legs and relieve myself.

I wondered when I could finally join the rest of the crew and learn to practice the skills they knew. I ached to be free to leave my hiding and so, one night, even though the old sailor had not given any signal that it was safe for me to leave, I crept out from the dirty barrels and stretched to my full height. The moon was full and big, lighting up the entire deck of the boat. I stretched and breathed deeply. The chilly night air sprung into my lungs and I found myself doubled over and coughing. I stumbled over to the railing of the ship and held on. I knew I was weak from want of food and fresh water. I threw my head over and let myself be rid of my stomachs contents. Before I had finished I was out cold.

I slowly came back to life. My eyes still closed but I could feel the shivers and cold sweats all over my body. Gently I lifted my eyelids, they felt so delicate as if they my fall right off if I was no gentle enough. Finally my vision cleared and I was met with a pair of black boots inches from my face. I realized that I must be lying on the deck of the ship and not propped up against the barrels as usual. A filthy, rough hand grabbed me by my arm and pulled me up to my feet. My eyes were rolling back in my head and I couldn't focus. Before I knew it I was let go of and I was falling back into the darkness of the deck floor. I looked sideways at the heavy boots standing everywhere I looked. But then I heard the deep voice of what could belong to no other but the Captains. In my weak state of mind I could have easily thought It was God speaking, the voice was so deep and gravely and so far up there that the sight was blurry. But as I finally came back to earth I was very sure that this man was nothing close to God. His bottle green coat reached down to his knees...it was left open showing his white shirt (now covered with filth) with the lace color left open halfway down his chest and a pair of black trousers. His boots fitted him up the knees. I saw the moon catch the twinkle of his pistol butt glistening in his heavy leather belt.

_"Oh dear God," _I silently prayed.

Suddenly I felt strength. I wasn't letting go of my life yet. I wasn't going out without a fight. I knew this man had the power to kill me with a snap of his finger, but not yet he wasn't oh no _NOT YET_ I was screaming inside. My legs stiffened ready to kick and my fist were clenched the bare white knuckles starting through my skin. I lifted my head and looked at the monster in front of me, deep into those black eyes and I saw death. I saw a man who knew nothing but cruel meanness and torture and for a wicked moment sparks of excitement where thrown down my spine and deep in my soul I wanted the power to be more evil than even this man.

A deep chuckle rose from his depths. "Holy hell". He smiled the moonlight shining on his chipped teeth. "Should it be the plank?..." he let the question waver..."Or a nice slow hanging..." He stroked his chin as though he needed to give it thought.

I opened my mouth to speak but I was lost for words. Oh hell did I need water.

"Holt it". His voice was sharp and his eyes were pools of violence as they shifted sideways to a figure in the shadows that I had not noticed. "Scorch!" The sailor slowly crept from the shadows. "Who's ya new play mate, ay?"

Silence.

"Don't tell me you don't know shit...cause I know how damn soft you are." He never lost eye contact.

I saw the sailor visibly trembling. "He'v makes a good cabin boy ya thinks?" His voice was shaky.

The Captain's eyes were on fire. "My thoughts hexactly! Alvough my thought took a little turn ya might say...We land in a couple o' days at the next bleedin' port and there's hundreds of youngens runnin round. I could easily nab one o'em and have him so damn scared he piss in his trousers. Every command would be obeyed on spot, no work needed to be done. But look what I got stuck wiv instead! A fisty little one, look at em look at em! He ain't scared he's damned right rebellious! You think I ain't got nothing better to do with my fuckin time then to spend training damn little un's how to do everything theys told when and where?" The blow to the sailor's head was frightening loud.

"Take him down." The Captain growled. "You got 25 lashes as noon tomorrow hahahaha! Sweet dreams lover boy!" He chuckled deep and low.

As everyone cleared (two of the men chaining the sailor and leading him down to the port hold) the Captain looked over me and jerked his head toward his cabin. I hesitated then followed. As we both entered and the door was shut fast behind me, he pushed me before him and into a chair. He lit his pipe and stretched out across from me in an old matted arm chair.

"Whatcha won't from me?" The question was gruff

"Where I come from," I started slowly. "Where I come from they hated me. I was of different blood. The people closest to me were murdered. They expected me to live as a bastard son and die in their shadow. Give me the chance to live. To see the world. Make me a man."

"A man?" He looked at me thoughtfully. "So I'll make you a man. And when the people look at you they will see terror and they will flee. You will make them hurt just like I did. You will learn from the best. And then you will see how great the power is to play the world in your hands. Yes, I will make you a man."


	8. Wanting For Breath

_** Wanting For Breath **_

CHAPTER 7

I woke with the pain of my ear being twisted. I winced and looked up at the sailor who jeered in my face. I slapped his hand away from me and slung my legs out of my cot that was considerably smaller than the rest of the sailors, which were all lined up in rows on either side of the ship's walls.

I could hear footsteps on deck and remembered my sailors punishment was to be this morning. I gulped. He was being punished for helping me.

I followed the line of men to the kitchen where they began to grab everything that had been cooked up for breakfast. I looked at the grimy pewter pot full of mush and thought about the lovely breakfast that was always set out back at home...I brought myself back to time, _"it's a new life and I can take anything"._ I pushed my way through the bellowing men, snatched a broken cup from a table and scooped up some of that distasteful smelling mush. I searched for a spoon but this was not exactly the organized kitchen. I forgot about it and crept into a corner and tipped the cup upside down and swallowed mouthful after mouthful of the grub.

I clambered up the steps to the deck of the ship squinting into the sunlight. I saw my sailor was already chained to the flogging post, his head drooped low between his shoulder blades. The Captain was standing on the the platform outside his cabin. Soon all the sailors became present on the deck not wanting to miss the chance to see a flogging which was their entertainment when they were out at sea without anything else to amuse them.

I watched wide eyed and cringed whenever the lash bit through my sailor. I watched the blood trickle down his back and how bright it glistened in the sunlight. But all through those 25 lashes not once did I hear him cry out. After it was done they poured a bucket of cold water over his back and left him to agonize over it.

Everyone went back to work while I stood and watched my sailor's heaving shoulders as he breathed. But it wasn't long before the Captain called me over to him to be his errand boy. Errand boy...when was this "going to turn you into a man" going to come to pass. How long was it going to be...I was thirteen and able to handle not being trampled on. The Captain caught me glaring down at the floor, "What's on yer mind, boy?" I complained about it and his only answer was a gruff laugh and said, " 'Ell, ya think ya gonna start out on top of it all? Get used to bein trampled on cause it only gonna get a hell of a lot worse." Then he left.

Weeks passed and I saw no sign of the sailor who the Captain had addressed as "Scorch". I knew they all had their own little names they got stuck with but how would you go about getting "Scorch"?

Then one evening we finally landed. I took care to observe how all flags and identification was taken away from the ship ahead of time and smiled to myself as we waited for the darkness to set in before we came into port.

"'Ey they!" It was my sailor, Scorch!

"Where have you been? You don't know how awful I've been feeling all ripped up and the like."

" 'bout what boy?"

"About what you went through for keeping me covered and such, aw I've been wanting to apologies and..."

" 'Ey...in this ship yer don't apologies for shit...yer wanna be damn tough yer wanna be a man you don't feel bad about bleedin nuffin at all ya hear me?" He shook me.

" Yeah I hear you, but..."

"Forget it...if yer ain't shittin tough enough to take a floggin ever no an then you don't deserve to live. Now that I'm back i's gonna teach you how to enjoy livin a pirates life alwight?"

"Sure!" I nodded my head, glad he was back with me.

We tramped off. I was running to keep up with his fast pace. He went through side streets and alleys till we finally came upon a rowdy pub. Scorch grabbed me by the back of the neck and pulled me close so he could talk in my ear. " Now this is what its all about!" He seemed excited so I thought I should be too. We sat down and he ordered a large meal of meat and potatoes and some gin. The food was wonderful seeing as how I had not eaten a good meal in about a month now. I washed it down with a swallow of the gin and hell's fire cut down my throat and I spewed out the first mouthful, sending Scorch into a fit of laughter.

"Aw hell! Yer'll get on used to it soon enough no worries...pwetty soon yer'll be lookin at vat stuff as ya damn savior." He said between mouthfuls of his meal.

Once we had finished, and after I had pretty much gotten used to the gin, he kicked back and began to smoke. I took a look around the smoky pub. One of the woman in bright colors came over to us looking at Scorch directly and winked as if she had a question for him. He smiled and invited her over with a jerk of his head. She bounced over into his lap but he pushed her back before she could begin her kissing.

"The boy." She looked over for a second at me then smiled wide and walked back over to the group of girls and talked to one in a blue dress dirty white petticoats. They glanced over at me and talked again. Finally they both walked over to our table and Scorch smiled up at them.

"Good gal!" He said and pulled the first girl into his lap again. Then looking over at me he nodded to the blue dress girl and said, "She is all yours tonight...trust me she'll make a man out of you." He winked at me, gave both females a couple of coins, and threw the girl over his shoulder, walked to the back of the pub with her and out the back door.

For a minute I just stared at the girl. She had long hair which was colored a frightening red. But her eyes were a soft brown and her smile was sweet and it relaxed me. She crooked a finger at me giggled, "Your shy ain't you? Or you just ain't used to girls?"

"I haven't hardly been around girls to know."

"Well don't worry...I get you real used to us in a little while. You wanna follow me?"

I nodded. Why not. She grabbed my hand and pulled me up some stairs behind her and into a little room.

"It's a logging too?" I asked

"Oh yes we loge people here. They won't mind if we use the room for a little while."

"So what's all this about anyway...we just have a kissing fit until my time is up or something?"

She laughed out loud, "No you silly!" She pushed me down on the bed and kissed me long and hard... "You think that's all you want right now?"

I felt aroused and excited and thought for a moment...no way was this all I wanted. I sat up played with her red curls for a bit then kissed her again and ran my hands over her shoulders and her sides feeling her body through her corset. I pulled at the top of the plunging neckline of her blouse.

"You really want it don't you..." She whispered and helped my hands find her small breast. She pressed my head against their softness and I heard her gently moaning while she let me suckle on it. She began to crawl up my body and pulled her skirts up and I felt her hands on my belt buckle. Slowly I came undone. The warmth was amazing and she came down drawing all of me inside her and my hands grabbed the headboard of them bed to hold myself steady well she laid her head against my chest letting the feelings take over. Slowly it became hotter and hotter till we moved fiercely together. I pulled at her hair and moaned out loud not knowing where this pleasure came from. Finally we were spent and I wanted nothing more then to curl up in her arms and sleep forever, but to my amazement she wasn't that same sweetness anymore. She was bitter.

"You'd better get the 'ell out of here and now."

"What for? arn't you tired?"

"I'd be tired if ya had somethin to give me but seein as how ya new ya didn't 'ave shit ter give me! Now I've got other more important matters and I'll be needen this room again so get yourself together and get out."

I was quite for a moment. But did as she said and left. I slouched back to the table and waited a while before I saw Scorch make his way back to me after kissing a different girl I had seen him with before.

"Hiya! An' 'ow was it?"

I shrugged, "Alright, I guess."

"Alright? Alright? That's it? 'olly shit I paid good money for 'at gale and if she ain't done a fuckin good job I'll be havin a long chat wiv her!"

"No no it wasn't anything like that it's just it was amazing then it was over and then they arn't sweet anymore and you feel all guilty and stuff like you did something wrong, you know?"

He chuckled, "Ya jess gotta know 'ow to 'andle them is all. Yer see gals is wot will be all sassy and such cause they want ter makes yer feels like yer own 'em somethink. But yer don't own 'em shit. Yer paid for 'em and yer suspectin the best from 'em. Yer 'ave ter be rough an show 'em who's the bloody damn boss so as they'll stay sweet the whole time for yer."

I listened thoughtfully. "Good to know." I replied. "Good to know."

He smiled, "Yer ready to hit up some other place? The night is still young!"

Oh yes, I was ready to have fun this time.


End file.
